My life, the past 8 years

This is a VERY long one, but I feel this is all very relevant to my weight problems. Here it goes:

I lived in Colorado my entire life until I got married at 20. I started playing soccer at 6 years old. This definined most of my childhood. My life revolved around soccer growing up. I was an all-conference player in high school. My club team was Colorado State Champions when I was 19, my final year I could play with the club.

I lived in one house for 14 years, and never had to change schools. I knew my entire extended family. My cousin was one of my best friends. Family get togethers, at least once a month, were not uncommon.

I never once imagined leaving Colorado. My plans certainly involved raising a family the same way I grew up, surrounded by family. Things didn't quite work out that way.

My husband, Eric, and I were friends in high school. We met my sophomore year, when he started dating one of my friends. It wasn't until 3 years later when we started dating. Eric is a corpsman in the US Navy, and was home on leave. Our group of friends all got together the day after Christmas, 2007. After walking a friend of ours out to her car, he kissed me and said he had wanted to do that for 3 years. The feeling was mutual.

A couple weeks later, he returned to North Carolina, where he was stationed with the Marines. We racked up HUGE phone bills and snuck in a few visits here and there. Fifteen months after we started dating, we were married.

We moved to Texas to start our new life together. He was transferring duty stations and we lived near Corpus Christi, TX. The plan was for him to do 2 years in Texas, then he would get out of the military and we would move back to Colorado. We only had one car, that barely ran, so getting a job for me meant getting one close by. The city we lived in was VERY small and I had no luck finding work. However, things were good. I always described our relationship as 'perfect,' and I believe it was. Two years after marriage, we decided to try for kids.

After 2 heartbreaking miscarriages, Andrew was born. By this time, we were living in Wichita Falls, TX, where Eric was now attending a couple schools for the military. Both of us had it in our heads, that he would go ahead and do 20yrs in the military. For Eric, military life was much better when he wasn't living in the barracks and breathing the military 24/7. I didn't mind it so much, either. Life was good. We were in Wichita Falls for 18 months until we got transferred to Pensacola, FL.

A couple weeks after arriving in Pensacola, we found out I was pregnant again. Andrew was only 9.5 months old. (Our boys are just under 17 months apart.) While we were shocked and nervous, it wasn't completely unplanned. I never went back on birth control, afraid that it had something to do with my miscarriages. We knew we wanted 2 kids, but when was the question. We didn't feel like we had had our time with Andy, yet we wanted the kids as close in age as possible. God made that decision for us, and I am glad He did.

2003 was the roughest year of my entire life. In early 2003, pregnant and with a 13 month old and living in a new place, Eric was sent to Iraq. There is no doubt in my mind that I became depressed. I was terrified. Sitting in my dresser drawer, was a tape Eric recorded for us in case he didn't make it home. The deployment was completely unexpected, because my understanding of 'shore duty' was that he was not going anywhere. We had chosen Pensacola on purpose, so we could have our 2nd child with the guarantee he would be there for the birth. I...or should I say WE....were both so wrong. The war had not started yet, and I still remember the night it did start. There were so many unknowns.

Luckily, the war was going well, and the Fleet Hospital he was assigned to was no longer needed. They came home. Three weeks later, Kaden was born. He was 6 weeks premature and spent 10 days in the NICU. I was thankful Eric was home in time. During this time, our landlord decided to sell our house. We had first dibs, so we decided to purchase it. Buying a house, unplanned, is a stressful thing without having to deal with a newborn in the hospital! Things got worse.

A couple months later, Andrew contracted salmonella poisoning. A few days later, Kaden, 2 months old, got it. I rushed him to the ER at the first sign of diarrhea. We also were concerned with some minor bruising on his arm and leg. We certainly did not hurt him, so we figured it had something to do with the salmonella poisoning. I asked at least 3 different nurses and doctors in the ER, and they all were not sure what it was. After they decided to admit Kaden, I met with the admitting doc. She left the room, and the nurse asked me if I had asked this doc about the bruising. I had not, so I asked her to go get the doc again for me. Well that doc decided that it warranted a call to Child Protective Services! I was FUUUUUUURIIIIIIIIOOOOOUS!!!!

They would not let me call Eric for several hours. Here they were, giving my 2 month old sick baby boy every medical test possible. They gave him a CT scan and x-rayed every single bone in his body. I had to hold him down, as he screamed his head off, while they did this. To me, THAT was the abuse. It was also humiliating as my husband works in that hospital and with these people. They went and interviewed Eric at 3am. Kaden spent 2 days in the hospital.

We should have gone after this doctor. One thing that sticks out in my mind is that the doctor told the caseworkers that SHE found the bruises. The doctor also told me in the hospital, after she called CPS, that there was nothing medical that could cause him to bruise easily. This is just a couple examples of f'****d up things from this doctor (who was a resident).

They did not find one sign of abuse. Two months later, after being forced to take parenting classes, they dismissed the case and said the accusations were 'unfounded'. The only solace I found in the whole situation was from the instructor of the parenting class who knew about our case. I completely lost it one day after class. He talked to Eric and I and more or less said that heads were going to roll because our case should have never been taken as far as it did. He said he knew we did not do anything to hurt Kaden. That helped me move on. Man, that ordeal still effects me to this day. I am crying now just thinking about it. Being a mom was my whole life, and for some doctor to question that, rocked me to my core. I was so angry and hurt.

2004 came. Eric was going to be sent to Cuba for 6 months, leaving me once again with two young children. The talk of another deployment stirred up emotions from when he was in Iraq. I was having nightmares and thinking about it WAY to much. I was diagnosed with depression at the end of the year. It was the low point of my life. I loved my kids and husband, but I was not happy. I felt they were the only thing keeping me alive. I could see why people did things to hurt themselves, but I knew I would never do something like that. I couldn't do that to my family.

Nine months of antidepressants, and I felt normal again. The clouds had cleared. I was more optimistic that I could ever remember being. I was happy.

In late 2005, we got transferred to Guam, and here I am now. I will continue another day about how this has all affected me. I have a serious love/hate relationship with the military. The military has quite a bit of impact on my emotions. To be continued...

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Day 4 - 1 mile
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Rest Day
6pm - 1 mile walk (mixed casual and brisk) with the boys and the dog

Ended the day around 1500 calories, ate well. I was home most of the day, so I was fighting the refrigerator calling my name.